Hey Lady Lu...
I don’t know how many times I have honestly wanted to believe it ain’t me… I’m not a victim. Speaking of being a victim, today’s lesson is High Summoner Yuna; she’s nineteen in this image.Bitches are bitches I said yesterday right; I’m still thinking about that dog I hit Friday with my car. Another twenty-four hours has come and gone but will I have to pay Monday, the day after hell maybe a month from now; I could be worrying for nothing. All I know is that dog was my victim though he or she is still alive, the family, and I look at my car and think me too but how dare I right?
Yuna is a victim and I bet she wonders why she had to be, because she was pretty, maybe she was stupid, it could be because of who she is. What led to her being here, being fucked like a whore, what moment, what decision, how many minutes, simply a minute here or there makes all the difference. What about later if she should survive she will play this out again and again, I know dogs can do that, I hear Braxton cry in his sleep sometimes, he has nightmares of bad experiences.
I have a definition here… Victim – A living being sacrificed; a person or thing destroyed; a person who suffers… Is this not true of us all Luna, and you know something I don’t want it to be true for me, not anymore, I refuse to be a victim.
So what am I saying, that I rather be back in my car, Luna all the guilt I feel I can’t take it, it’s like what Quinn told Daria once, when you fall off the horse, you have to get back up and shoot it. Time marches on though, I remember Friday I was polarized, yesterday I was fucking scared, and today I still feel the guilt and the shame but I’m getting back to normal… well normal for me.
I wasn’t being a monster Luna, this was not some sadistic streak, and I didn’t want to be a killer, all I wanted was to get back to my room and continue with my work. On Masters of Horror "Dance of the Dead" I just heard something quite interesting, pain transforms the sensitive into cynics; accidents transform the innocent into the guilty, I know that’s not so deep but it’s true. The thing is there was a time when all I wanted was innocence, I swear I didn’t mean to hit that dog, I’m sorry I caused that family pain and I swear I’ll never do something like that ever again.
Something like that I say and then I look at this Al Bhed with Yuna and I think why can’t she be my victim, I know I would do something like this to her. What if I had power Luna, I mean if I had the power I craved and I would suffer no consequences what would I do then; this dog has me screwed up but what about people who deserve it, people I want, an existence like my own that doesn’t matter, what would I do then? Like I said before there was a time I wanted innocence and now I actually crave evil and after two days of mourning a dog that is alive and well what am I… good question.
I hate being the victim but as of Friday I hate being the monster, how badly I wish I could be one of those purple figures. Not “THEM” Luna I will never be “THEM” but faceless watching someone else claim about themselves, It Ain’t Me.
LATE
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