Hey Lady Lu...
There is so much beauty, even in Hell but there are times I see something that rocks me, disturbs me, and hell even scares me. Today’s lesson will be Tifa Lockhart, age 20, as beautiful as she is now still I feel a chill and even a sense of shame.Today I was adding new pictures and I got a hold of some that were just truly macabre, you know I’m one for the most horrific crimes and such but these pictures well since I got them I haven’t had the nerve to look at them again. I saw such images and like the “Heron Blue” I just wanted to fly away and I can only imagine the mind that created such things… and I think I’m disturbed. Luna I told you before The Abomination’s evil must be opposed and that there are lengths to which I won’t go, that’s what I saw today and I really wish I hadn’t.
I look at Tifa and maybe I’m in those five minutes Jon Stewart was talking about last night, I’m not thinking about sex but I’m ashamed of what it took to get to this point. Just look into her eyes Luna, she can’t believe what she’s doing, I can’t believe I would want Tifa to be this way but even now I know I would be capable of such things. How deep is Hell, deep enough that even damned souls are finding their way to Heaven, again I turn to Tifa. We don’t really want to know do we, the things we can and will become given the circumstances of our lives.
Luna my love you’re beautiful like Danielle, Chrissy, and Tifa but I only wish to violate, corrupt, and conquer such beauty because such innocence for some reason makes me feel better about my ugliness. Those pictures I saved today though and Tifa right here and now, seeing her violated is one thing, seeing her dead I couldn’t imagine, but seeing her look at me like this I can barely take it.
Tifa doesn’t disturb me as much as those other pictures Luna but there is plenty in this world I don’t want to see.
Again Tifa like this, look I may carry delusions about rape but that’s because in my world Luna I am allowed to; don’t give me real rape victims in this place much like that story I wrote awhile back Gown of Chaos I can believe want I want. Isn’t this what I want to do though, blurring the line between fantasy and reality, marveling at such beauty, and if I had the power… How often have I found that the truth hurts, hell Luna the truth kills; though I pride myself on knowing the truth still it is so hard to bear.
What about those animal commercials, you know the ones about animals that are abused and neglected do you know sometimes I just turn them off. I love Braxton, just thinking about him being out there, he never was and as long as I’m around never will be but just thinking about something like that, almost makes me shed a tear.
Finally there is the “Man In The Mirror” maybe I should say the monster in the mirror, I barely look at myself anymore, I can’t stand my face. It gets worse when I see who I am on the inside, damn Luna I think rape is quite fun, I allowed myself to get those horrific pictures, and I am quite sure that this existence for the moment is bearable because my sleeping pills are still sitting there unopened. The future is surely the worst thing to see, those pictures don’t even compare because I know once that I was something beautiful and right now I just want to make that beauty a little more like me but getting those pictures was the first step in showing… sooner or later there will be no more heart, no more beauty, and no more line and when that day comes, there will be blood.
I can’t be like THEM Luna, there is no what I see and what I choose to see, I only see everything and that’s What We Don’t Want To See.
LATE
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