Hey Lady Lu…
Ask me what I want and like a girl I would think everything; there is so much in the world why not just take everything and figure out the rest later? The thing is I can’t have everything, hell I can’t have anything, and so I learn to hate wanting or maybe I just want in a different way.I’ll use love as today’s lesson Luna with the beautiful Natsume sisters, Maya on the left and her little sister Aya on the right. Do you know this is how girls see me; I write love poetry, I try to write romantic letters, and if you remember Chrissy I tried to make sweet videos, okay noted somewhat risqué but they came from my heart and I might as well have pulled a gun. So I want love and I can’t have it so what do I do… I learn to hate love, to fight against it, to deny and I take something else... I take lust.
It’s all about give and take Luna, give me a job and I will work, give me money and I’ll find somewhere else to live, give me a chance and I’ll change the world; honestly if I could give back the stuff I have been “given” I would and be dead already. So let’s look at the picture, if I can’t have your heart I’ll take your body, if I can’t have your words I’ll take your screams, you know that sort of thing. All of this fighting against love and the scary thing is that given time you even forget what you’re fighting for or against, you’re just fighting.
I think I told you once before awhile back that I’m sick of fighting, why can’t I just shut up and lose already? Luna do you even belong to me, I’m told over and over that nothing belongs to me and so I hate it or I wish to ravage, violate, and corrupt everything; fires of desire.
Look at Maya and Aya, Luna it is clear between their legs what they want; there are so many reasons we deny, we lie, and we fight against the things we want.
It’s wrong, this is something I have grown up with; everything I have ever wanted in this world has always been wrong and so why bother wanting? I wanted to be loved Luna, I want my writing, there was even a time I wanted to be a good boy and now I’m merely endured, no one reads what I write, and most days I wish I were dead. So yes I want to hurt people, I have very strange ideas about sex, and I’m a “Bad Man” or a bad something, I’m not ashamed of it.
Everyone but The Abomination especially would say that it’s all stupid; when did it get stupid, my first breath, my first cry, my first thought, you should hear the stories Luna. My aunt told me once I wanted to destroy the Earth, hell given the fact that there is nothing here for me and of course ending my own life, but then again if she were so smart she wouldn’t have been murdered by a man I clearly knew was bad news, oh yeah she married him.
Finally it’s just me… how many times have I told you it’s all my fault and how many times have I had to listen to it from everyone else. I’ve never murdered anyone, I don’t endorse rape (for real), and never have I destroyed a soul but the wanting Luna, the desire, you know the things I would do if I had power. The “Stranger In My Skin” how many hands in the end have made the freak you see before you, the monster who finds such a picture beautiful, the beast who a few minutes ago was watching “General Hospital” asking again and again how old was Molly; she’s just a child and a character, what is thing that has created such an existence around myself?
What do I want Luna, right now Maya and Aya but then again Luna you’re telling me, I’m telling me, you’re Fighting What You Want.
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