Hey Lady Lu...
Vain, Without real value; empty; worthless; ineffectual; light-minded; conceited.Let’s start today’s lesson or lessons, if you had asked me maybe a week or so ago these girls would have meant everything to me. These whores though could never ever do anything for me, that can’t touch me, suck me, or actually love me. If only you knew what I went through to get them here… well that wasn’t hard but the time Luna, a waste of time.
What about knowledge Luna, can knowledge be worthless, what good is it to know their names, the three girls at the top Yuna, Tifa Lockhart, Ashelia B’nargin Dalmasca or the girls at the bottom Rikku, Yuffie Kisaragi, Rosa Joanna Farrell. I could tell you so much about people who don’t really exist, about worlds that will never truly be known, and of lives that I have lived that are only pretend.
How conceited am I, will you just look at them here although that might not be it, call it vengeance, I would look at it as justice and even then it’s all for nothing. This in no way gets me closer to what it is I want and I know you’re asking what is that again and at the moment I’ll tell you it’s complicated. Even now I’m asking myself why bother, it’s not that I feel I’m too good for this but I’m just getting tired of trying.
Speaking of being tired this is what I have been waking up to every single day… nothing, these lessons, the knowledge or lack there of, and these fake feelings of being someone are only a part of my vanity.
I’ve never considered myself a vain thing and when it came to vanity I only thought of beauty but vanity is so much more.
It’s the everyday Luna, waking up and dreaming of going somewhere but I never go anywhere; I’m waiting on death to die. I am sad to say I am one who walks the dusty recess of the mind and when I look out into this world I still see nothing. Maybe it’s up to me to find something, to build something, hell it could just be the need to seek something out.
How many times have I dreamed of girls such as these; I have imagined girls in the real world like this and the thing is with enough power I could have them. One day Luna I want to be able to say “I Made It”, there are men who have made girls do this and I mean that in every way imaginable; I want to be one of those.
What about you Luna, sweet pretend girlfriend, my therapist of porn, and a friend but what are you really if not another extension of my vanity. I tell my darkest secrets to you, I show such things thinking that someone is paying attention but no one is and if I got rid of the porn… ha. You know something I shouldn’t be telling you my secrets because I should be out in the world making secrets to keep hidden.
So what have I learned, what is today’s final thought, my dreams are vanity Luna but not all men dream equally; one day I’ll tell you what that means and no I didn’t come up with it but I do believe this is only vanity.
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